Wedge Issues: Sex, or how I learned to stop worrying about how much everyone else was getting
So one blog post a month is enough ... right? Or not, I suck at blogging. It *is* the anti-blog after-all though so in the end you shouldn't expect anything from me! :)
In all honesty I've been very busy yet again. We made a couple of trips this past month. A quick trip to San Francisco for a friend's wedding and then to Abilene TX for an alumni board meeting at HSU that Jen and I are a part of. In addition I've been working as a consultant on several projects and Adam and I also wrapped up our latest interactive game Conspiracy Asylum
If you're interested there are pics of our SF trip on our personal site. You'll also find pics of the trains there as well.
But enough personal stuff. I haven't discussed a real wedge issue in a long time. Sad because there are so many flying around in this political season!
So tonight we're talking about sex. That scary little three-letter word that makes mothers hold their children close and Christians wag their fingers in stern disapproval.
One thing that drives me crazy about older generations (my pastor, and my father often speak this way) is the longing for the "good old days". The days when the world was less scary and people didn't have to worry about walking down their street. Honestly there's a whole other rant in there ... It seems people believe that there was very little sexual immorality. The reality isn't that it didn't happen, its that no one talked about it. Of course all this nostalgia doesn't really give any solution to the problem, other than "we need God to change people" where we can return to this golden time, etc.
The first problem is to determine whether we have a problem at all. When we look at the Bible, it says quite a few things about sex but its not crystal clear on some of the black and white truths that conservative Christians hold so dear.
Sex outside of marriage. Probably the biggest no-no in these circles. The Bible does not say "Thou shalt not have sex outside of marriage" ... instead it says "Thou shalt not commit adultery" which is defined as a married person having sex with someone other than his or her spouse. Christians seem to have gotten a bit creative with the definition. In Genesis God states that a man should leave his parents and be joined to a woman and in the New Testament, Paul in several places talks of fleeing from sexual immorality. So there's two camps here. One idea I've heard is that pre-marital sex is bad because God has chosen a spouse for you so its the same as adultery even if you don't know that person yet. The other idea I've heard is that any sex outside of marriage is considered immoral because God created marriage in the beginning and therefore that was how he intended it to be used. The Song of Solomon has some passages that refer to not partaking in love until its ready .. but its hard to tell if that's refering to sex, fruit or an underage woman (okay I'm joking, sort of)
And none of that gets into the multitude of rightous people in the Bible who have multiple wives, concubines, etc.
Now before I go any further, don't misunderstand: I truly believe that sex creates a very deep bond between two people that's probably both emotional and spiritual. That should be cherished and I think the bond is deeper when people can truly commit to one person. What I am saying though is that the idea that its all bad isn't exactly clear cut, and it gets into the question: is it a sin or does it merely fall into the category of something that isn't beneficial but still permissible? I'll leave that to you, reader, to answer that question.
So now from a culture context, why is sex so prevalent? I think its generally because we made it a taboo. We love to talk about it, we love to find out who's doing it and who they're doing it with (just pick up a celebrity gossip rag). At the same time we love to be prudish about it. I think we secretly wish we could be the promiscuous person without the associated guilt. (I speak as a man in that regard), and then we hate ourselves for having such thoughts!
Making sex a taboo creates a lot of subtle problems. Let's start with teenagers. Notorious for being the people that push the big red button that says "Don't Push". Sex is a perfect example of that. Especially in Christian circles they are told "don't" ... but they are never given much reason why, and they are certainly not given any alternatives on how to at least do it safely. This leads to a higher instance of pregnancy and STDs among teens who are a part of abstinence only programs.
Since people aren't having these conversations, the kids feed of the media machine. If we aren't telling our kids the truth about sex, who is? The media! They buy into that stuff, they believe what they see in the movies, or in the porn they find on the Internet. They make it because people buy it. The solution is not to outlaw it. The solution is to communicate the truth so that there's less market for it!
Then you have people who are a bit unstable anyway. Call it "mommy issues" (or daddy issues). We're told to go against our natural desires, some people internalize this and then it comes flooding out in often a violent fashion. I think if there was more communication about this problems in society instances of rape and other sexual abuse would drop.
And finally because you have these high-profile cases of abuse you also have this irrational paranoia of sex offenders and pedophiles living on every corner. This leads to its own problems, including men who won't deal with children at all since being accused of pedophilia can destroy someone, no matter if they are innocent or guilty.
So my advice is stop feeding the machine. Keep your private life private. If you have kids teach them the truth about sex and stop worrying about what other people are doing. Set the example as a Christian. If Timmy sees a naked breast, remember he saw them as a baby and it probably won't hurt him ... anymore than seeing the violence that saturates the media as well. That is a rant for a different day.
In all honesty I've been very busy yet again. We made a couple of trips this past month. A quick trip to San Francisco for a friend's wedding and then to Abilene TX for an alumni board meeting at HSU that Jen and I are a part of. In addition I've been working as a consultant on several projects and Adam and I also wrapped up our latest interactive game Conspiracy Asylum
If you're interested there are pics of our SF trip on our personal site. You'll also find pics of the trains there as well.
But enough personal stuff. I haven't discussed a real wedge issue in a long time. Sad because there are so many flying around in this political season!
So tonight we're talking about sex. That scary little three-letter word that makes mothers hold their children close and Christians wag their fingers in stern disapproval.
One thing that drives me crazy about older generations (my pastor, and my father often speak this way) is the longing for the "good old days". The days when the world was less scary and people didn't have to worry about walking down their street. Honestly there's a whole other rant in there ... It seems people believe that there was very little sexual immorality. The reality isn't that it didn't happen, its that no one talked about it. Of course all this nostalgia doesn't really give any solution to the problem, other than "we need God to change people" where we can return to this golden time, etc.
The first problem is to determine whether we have a problem at all. When we look at the Bible, it says quite a few things about sex but its not crystal clear on some of the black and white truths that conservative Christians hold so dear.
Sex outside of marriage. Probably the biggest no-no in these circles. The Bible does not say "Thou shalt not have sex outside of marriage" ... instead it says "Thou shalt not commit adultery" which is defined as a married person having sex with someone other than his or her spouse. Christians seem to have gotten a bit creative with the definition. In Genesis God states that a man should leave his parents and be joined to a woman and in the New Testament, Paul in several places talks of fleeing from sexual immorality. So there's two camps here. One idea I've heard is that pre-marital sex is bad because God has chosen a spouse for you so its the same as adultery even if you don't know that person yet. The other idea I've heard is that any sex outside of marriage is considered immoral because God created marriage in the beginning and therefore that was how he intended it to be used. The Song of Solomon has some passages that refer to not partaking in love until its ready .. but its hard to tell if that's refering to sex, fruit or an underage woman (okay I'm joking, sort of)
And none of that gets into the multitude of rightous people in the Bible who have multiple wives, concubines, etc.
Now before I go any further, don't misunderstand: I truly believe that sex creates a very deep bond between two people that's probably both emotional and spiritual. That should be cherished and I think the bond is deeper when people can truly commit to one person. What I am saying though is that the idea that its all bad isn't exactly clear cut, and it gets into the question: is it a sin or does it merely fall into the category of something that isn't beneficial but still permissible? I'll leave that to you, reader, to answer that question.
So now from a culture context, why is sex so prevalent? I think its generally because we made it a taboo. We love to talk about it, we love to find out who's doing it and who they're doing it with (just pick up a celebrity gossip rag). At the same time we love to be prudish about it. I think we secretly wish we could be the promiscuous person without the associated guilt. (I speak as a man in that regard), and then we hate ourselves for having such thoughts!
Making sex a taboo creates a lot of subtle problems. Let's start with teenagers. Notorious for being the people that push the big red button that says "Don't Push". Sex is a perfect example of that. Especially in Christian circles they are told "don't" ... but they are never given much reason why, and they are certainly not given any alternatives on how to at least do it safely. This leads to a higher instance of pregnancy and STDs among teens who are a part of abstinence only programs.
Since people aren't having these conversations, the kids feed of the media machine. If we aren't telling our kids the truth about sex, who is? The media! They buy into that stuff, they believe what they see in the movies, or in the porn they find on the Internet. They make it because people buy it. The solution is not to outlaw it. The solution is to communicate the truth so that there's less market for it!
Then you have people who are a bit unstable anyway. Call it "mommy issues" (or daddy issues). We're told to go against our natural desires, some people internalize this and then it comes flooding out in often a violent fashion. I think if there was more communication about this problems in society instances of rape and other sexual abuse would drop.
And finally because you have these high-profile cases of abuse you also have this irrational paranoia of sex offenders and pedophiles living on every corner. This leads to its own problems, including men who won't deal with children at all since being accused of pedophilia can destroy someone, no matter if they are innocent or guilty.
So my advice is stop feeding the machine. Keep your private life private. If you have kids teach them the truth about sex and stop worrying about what other people are doing. Set the example as a Christian. If Timmy sees a naked breast, remember he saw them as a baby and it probably won't hurt him ... anymore than seeing the violence that saturates the media as well. That is a rant for a different day.
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